Ti-Ri little brother... I especially feel the need to talk to you more and more as time passes. It's been 2 years (almost to the date) since I heard your voice and heard your laughter, but also heard the pain in your voice. I've been thinking everyday since you've left us, on how many times you told me you wouldn't be in this physical world for very long... what I didn't know is that when you said these words, you actually knew you weren't going to be here much longer. I brushed it off knowing you were in pain with this Lyme Disease, but did not realize how truly bad it had become and that you were also in much more pain then you led on to anyone. You saw your mind and body weakening to this disease, and I now know deep in my heart, you could not keep doing what you were doing to keep moving forward and to continue pretending everything was alright. I now know that deep in your heart, you needed and wanted to reconnect with your kids, but could no longer find the strength once the disease increased. I know you meant well and you really were trying very hard to make things right.
What I wished I would have done and will regret for the rest of my life and can't seem to forgive myself for is, that I didn't go see you while we were in Montreal 5 years ago. You so desperately needed to see me and I didn't think it affected you with us not going until after you left us. As we know, we've had MANY disappointments in life and this was just one more to add to the list. I am hoping by writing you this letter, that you will be able to forgive me for this and that you will show me some sign. There's so much I would love to talk to you about and I really need my brother right now. I wish I could tell you face to face, how much I love and miss you every single day. I would hug you so hard and erase all the sadness from your life. I would hold you and tell you everything will be ok. I look for you everywhere, I wait to see if you'll come in my dreams, I see your face in my mind but can't feel you around me. I truly need to know you are OK so that I can rest knowing wherever you are, you are good.
Please watch over us and take care of us... give dad a hug for me Love your sister Jo xoxoxo